Pitfall #2. Neglecting to look at the job from the nanny’s point of view. To attract and keep a great nanny long term, the family needs to consider her needs as well as the family’s.

Although the economy is not as strong as it used to be, good nannies are still in high demand. Parents are more concerned than ever about securing reliable, quality childcare, and many moms have returned to the workplace full time out of economic necessity.

Families sometimes call me with unrealistic schedules, unrealistic pay, or other job characteristics that would not interest the kind of stable, qualified nanny they’d like to hire. Those jobs may interest a nanny who is inexperienced or who is struggling to find a good job, but the best nannies will look for a job that fulfills their needs so they can relax and make a solid commitment. Families often forget to look at the job from a nanny’s viewpoint. An example of some unrealistic demands:
• requiring that the nanny have a college education but paying an hourly rate that is well below market.
• asking a nanny to work a “split shift” where she’ll come to the house for an hour or two in the morning during rush hour, and then drive home and return for a few hours in the afternoon. With the price of gas, and the time spent in traffic, unless a nanny lives very close by, most qualified nannies probably won’t be interested in this position.
• asking for a nanny who will take care of a toddler and an infant and also do all of the heavy cleaning in a large home. There simply is not enough time in a day for a nanny to give quality attention to small children and clean a large home. Very few nannies will stay long term in a job requiring this much work, and the children won’t receive the level of care they need. Also, people who love to clean tend to have different personalities and skill sets than people who excel at caring for children. Childcare and cleaning are two different skill sets. Most people are not exceptionally good at both. A reasonable expectation is for the nanny to do “light, child-related housekeeping” including laundry.
• offering an inconsistent, part-time schedule that requires a nanny to keep her schedule completely open. The family may only need 20 hours per week, but their schedule is such that the nanny is unable to take another part-time job to supplement her income. Nannies who work part-time usually have other obligations when they’re not working and need a consistent schedule. Unfortunately, a nanny who takes a part-time position with an inconsistent, changing schedule may leave when she finds a job with a more consistent schedule.

To get more tips on hiring and retaining a nanny go to: www.safeandsoundnannies.com

Dr. Ann Wycoff is founder of Safe and Sound Nannies, a full service agency, and The Nanny Answer, an online, do-it-yourself nanny screening service.

Why are we having a great year when nanny databases provide large numbers of “nannies” online?

One simple reason: We provide quality, not quantity.

Many of the agencies who provide quantity are struggling. The agencies who provide quality are thriving. Here’s what we’ve seen since the advent of the nanny databases:

*We saw a decline in business for about 2 years when the databases first came into existence. Then we saw a strong resurgence of business, mainly from families who said they were disappointed with the maturity, performance, experience, and longevity of the nannies they had found on their own. They also found the do-it-yourself nanny search to be extremely time-consuming. One of our clients said, “When you spend weekend after weekend researching and interviewing nannies, and then your new nanny leaves after a few weeks for another job she found on the same database, you say, ‘that’s enough’”. The nannies we place through our agency value the long term relationship with us and with our families. We require a long term commitment, and they know they will have job security with us for many years to come, but only if they demonstrate solid commitment, performance, and loyalty to our families.

*We’ve seen a decline in the jobs that pay less, are short term (a few months), or require a low number of hours. (under 25). We’ve also a seen a decline in jobs with chaotic, changing schedules. Overall, we’ve seen a decline in the less desirable jobs. If a family is unsure as to how long the job will last, (a few weeks or months), or if they are paying below the market rate, they are probably more comfortable finding a short term solution on a database. That is a niche that is well served by databases.

*We’ve seen an increase in full-time, long term jobs with 2 working professionals who don’t have time to search for a great nanny and who cannot risk hiring a nanny who may not work out. They’re working hard and can’t afford a disruption to their jobs and children. These families also tend to be committed to their child receiving long term, quality care, with the same caregiver, not several. I believe we’ve seen growth in this type of business, (which is our favorite business) because many agencies whose value was to provide a large quantity of nannies have been replaced by the databases. Ninety percent of our families hire the first or second nanny we send them, because we send experienced nannies with excellent references who are the right match for your family. We typically pursue one candidate out of fifteen who come to us. We feel we’re hired to find you the best nannies, not to inundate you with candidates you could find yourself.

*We’ve seen an increase in excellent, experienced nannies applying to our website and a decrease in under qualified nannies applying. We believe this is because the highly qualified nannies want an agency behind them now more than ever, in this uncertain economy. Many sought jobs on the databases when they first appeared, but the nannies have complained to us that the jobs they found were often short term, they paid less than advertised, and the hours were unreliable. They also want to work with an agency who will stand by them and provide them with job security for many years to come. We have solid jobs with solid families, and they know this. The nannies also appreciate that we match the right candidate to the right job. We know what type of personality the family is looking for, and which traits are best suited to the family and their children. We also believe we’re seeing more highly qualified nannies because the agencies that specialized in quantity are placing more on-call babysitting jobs.

We have a huge, time-saving advantage in finding great nannies that families don’t have access to on their own for two primary reasons:

1) We’ve been in business for almost 15 years and have placed thousands of nannies in San Diego. When one of our nannies finishes a job (usually when the baby matures to school-age), they call us and watch our job list to see what we have available.

2) We have online tools that allow us to zero in on the very best, most qualified nannies who come to our site. (About 15 nannies apply each day). Every candidate completes a standardized, statistically validated personality screen that assesses characteristics such as conscientiousness, interpersonal sensitivity, reliability, impulse control, cooperation, rule orientation, judgment, emotional stability, etc. This screen is interpreted by a licensed psychologist. We rule out approximately 4 out of 6 candidates based on the screen alone. We have a detailed online application that shows us exactly where she worked, for how long, including phone numbers. (this is not a “nanny profile”.) We check references thoroughly by phone, not e-mail. We interview all qualified nannies in person for 90 minutes, and we run a felony and misdemeanor check in every county she’s lived in. This is NOT an instant Internet check! We also run a DMV check.

In summary, finding excellent nannies is not easy, as many families have discovered. But when you know what we know, and have our history, tools and experience, it actually is easy.

To get more tips on hiring and retaining a nanny go to: www.safeandsoundnannies.com

Dr. Ann Wycoff is founder of Safe and Sound Nannies, a full service agency, and The Nanny Answer, an online, do-it-yourself nanny screening service.

Pitfall #1. Not doing your homework: believing you’re saving time and money by jumping to hire a nanny who looks good on the surface.

Most parents know that a “revolving door” of nannies is detrimental to their child’s emotional health and wreaks havoc on the whole family. But parents who are conducting a nanny search on their own often don’t take the time to ensure they find a nanny who is a great performer AND who is willing and capable of committing long term. Time-challenged parents often feel overwhelmed by the do-it-yourself search process, and are inundated with so many clearly inadequate candidates (or babysitters), that they jump at the first person who shows up on time for an interview dressed appropriately without any noticeable tattoos or piercings. Let’s say she makes good eye contact and has a college degree. Feeling relieved and elated to have finally found a viable candidate, a fatigued parent may jump to hire her and neglect to carefully analyze her work history, (all part-time jobs?), accurately assess her long term commitment level, or thoroughly check her references to make sure they are VALID and that she is a solid performer who truly loves caring for children. Nanny candidates DO fake references! Weeks or months later the family may notice that their nanny is spending her time on their home computer pursuing other jobs (her previous career?) because she may not truly enjoy staying home much of the day caring for an infant. Unfortunately, some nannies really do pass the time texting and pursuing job leads.

This scenario can be avoided by hiring an experienced, reputable agency with almost 15 years of experience in San Diego. (We will reach our 15 year mark in October, 2012). Because we’ve been doing this for almost 15 years, we know the good nannies in San Diego. And because so many nannies apply on our website, and because we have the system and tools to select the best candidates thoroughly and quickly, (including a scientifically validated personality screen, thorough references checking, a 90 minute in-person interview and thorough background checks), we can zero in on the best candidates quickly and easily. We also match the nanny to the family’s particular personality and needs, and insist that you to try her for one week (or 2 if you’d like) before you pay our fee. We’re so confident that you’ll be happy with the nanny you hire, that we provide a one year replacement policy. And in the past 15 years we have replaced roughly 3% of the nannies our families have hired. We are not in the business of replacing nannies. We’re in the business of placing nannies who become part of the family long term. Our families don’t want a revolving nanny door, and we don’t want your child to go through the pain and disruption of changing nannies. For almost fifteen years, we’ve been providing San Diego families with nannies who become part of the family and stay long term. This is our goal; this is what we’re good at.

To get more tips on hiring and retaining a nanny go to: www.safeandsoundnannies.com

Dr. Ann Wycoff is founder of Safe and Sound Nannies, a full service agency, and The Nanny Answer, an online, do-it-yourself nanny screening service.

10) A Parent’s Unexamined Ambivalence Regarding Going to Work Rather Than Staying Home with the Child

This is a sensitive and complex topic. Hiring a nanny to care for a child is a very personal decision that no one outside of the parents can fully understand. Only the parents can judge whether this is the right decision for them. I have spoken with many moms who are clear that they would not be happy staying at home with a child every day and do not feel any guilt about their decision. Others feel a tremendous amount of ambivalence and guilt. Still others feel resentment that they need to work. Not all mothers are choosing to hire a nanny willingly.

If a mom has not fully accepted her decision to hire a nanny, then she may feel anger or resentment toward the nanny without realizing that she’s transmitting these feelings to the nanny. These unconscious feelings may manifest in the following ways: criticism of the nanny; micro-management in the form of continually repeating simple directions that the nanny already knows, lack of trust even if the nanny has been caring for the child for months, refusal to grant the nanny additional freedom or autonomy, such as taking the child to the park; etc; or a subtly condescending attitude.

Experienced, qualified nannies with great references need to feel that they are appreciated and can earn the parents’ trust over time. It is emotionally challenging for a nanny to feel that she may never be accepted or that she has to re-earn the parents’ trust on a continual basis. It doesn’t happen often, but nannies have come to us in the past looking for a new position because they felt they couldn’t earn the trust of a parent the way they have in prior positions.

Nannies tend to be warm, sensitive people who will pick up on a parent’s ambivalence and be affected by it. There are some parents who would be happiest being home with their child, and we understand and support that decision. Many moms have called our agency in need of a supportive, nonjudgmental “ear”. They need to voice her concerns and explore the pros and cons of hiring childcare with someone who is knowledgeable and nonjudgmental. Sometimes during this discussion the mom realizes she doesn’t want to hire someone to help raise her child. Sometimes she realizes she does. It’s a very personal decision and we’re happy to listen and help.

To get more tips on hiring and retaining a nanny go to: www.safeandsoundnannies.com

Dr. Ann Wycoff is founder of Safe and Sound Nannies, a full service agency, and The Nanny Answer, an online, do-it-yourself nanny screening service.
 

9) The Nanny Has Too Much Responsibility for the Child. In Some Cases There Is Not Enough Involvement on the Part of the Parent.

Very few parents, (if any) set out to turn over the role of parent to the nanny. These situations are relatively rare, but we sometimes see them, especially when the parent(s) has a very demanding job. In our current economy many parents feel pressure to work more and longer hours to keep their jobs secure. This can place parents in a difficult position. And sometimes a parent feels so comfortable with the nanny’s care of the child that he or she gradually takes on more and more responsibility at work and the nanny is put in a situation that is overwhelming in terms of her responsibility for the child. Nannies take pride in knowing that they are giving the family peace of mind and providing exceptional childcare. There is a big difference for the nanny between feeling that she is helping and feeling that she is responsible for raising the child.

It is vitally important to all involved, (especially the child), that the parent maintains the role of primary caregiver in the child’s life. When a nanny works too many hours, the child may depend on her to fulfill emotional needs that are beyond the scope of her job as a nanny. Although it’s common for nannies to become “part of the family”, and in most circumstances this is fine, it’s important to the child’s development that she understands the difference between the parent and the nanny. Although the nanny loves the child, she knows she is the nanny, not the parent. Even the best nanny can’t replace what a child needs from a parent, and nannies know this.

Although she is committed to the family, the nanny will ultimately leave one day. If she is the closest thing to a parent the child has known, this could cause the child emotional distress or difficulty. The child who has a strong, stable bond with the parent may miss the nanny but can weather these changes fairly easily, especially if the nanny stays in touch with the child over the long term.

To get more tips on hiring and retaining a nanny go to: www.safeandsoundnannies.com

Dr. Ann Wycoff is founder of Safe and Sound Nannies, a full service agency, and The Nanny Answer, an online, do-it-yourself nanny screening service.

General Lack of Respect and Consideration

Sometimes a family is so immersed in the demands of working and raising children that they neglect to treat their nanny with respect and consideration. Some of the most important points to keep in mind when employing a nanny are:

Respect the nanny’s schedule. Give her plenty of notice if you’ll be running late, and pay her for extra time she works.

Be clear from the start as to what her responsibilities are, and do not let these grow unless you openly discuss any changes with her and gain her agreement. Make sure she is compensated for additional responsibilities.

Although the nanny may fall head over heels in love with your child, her primary reason for working is to pay her bills and bring about financial security. She may love her work, and love your family, but she has her own aspirations and needs apart from your family.

It is important that a nanny receives a yearly review and raise. It’s important that she is given adequate notice when asked to work an evening or weekend. It’s also important that she can decline to work extra hours if she has plans.

Although the nanny loves your child and your family, she is not a family member and does not want to know the details of any personal issues regarding your marriage, your financial situation, etc.

The nanny loves your child but she probably will notice if a parent comes home with shopping bags from expensive stores, a new car, etc. and she hasn’t had a raise in a year.

Nannies are much more impressed by the size of your heart than by the size of your house. Most nannies would much prefer to work for a warm, fair, considerate employer in a modest home than one who treats them like a possession in an extravagant home.

Most parents would consider the above points to be simple common sense, but surprisingly, many nannies leave positions for the above reasons, even though they love the children. Keeping a good nanny requires the attention and care that any relationship requires to grow and thrive. If you keep these points in mind, your children will have the stable childcare they need for optimum emotional development.

To get more tips on hiring and retaining a nanny go to: www.safeandsoundnannies.com

Dr. Ann Wycoff is founder of Safe and Sound Nannies, a full service agency, and The Nanny Answer, an online, do-it-yourself nanny screening service.

7) Poor Relationship Boundaries Between Family and Nanny.

Boundaries are a uniquely sticky topic when it comes to nannies. Most families tell me they want their nanny to be a “part of the family”. After all, the nanny will be caring for the most important person in their lives. Nannies also love the idea of being part of the family, and they fall in love with the children readily and wholeheartedly. Both parties share the unspoken fantasy of participating in a kind of “love-fest”: people who were once strangers coming together through the shared love for an innocent and adorable baby or child. It can and does happen in many situations. But sometimes, blurred lines between nanny and family backfire and eventually cause hurt feelings, misunderstandings, resentment, and in some cases a premature parting of ways, with much emotional pain on both sides.
One major problem is that thinking of your nanny as “part of the family” can unintentionally foster expectations that result in the nanny feeling taken advantage of. We don’t pay family members when we ask them to do extra tasks, or to give up their time on the spur of the moment, or stay late without notice, or take care of the visiting infant cousins without extra pay, or stop by the grocery store on their way to work, etc. The nanny will probably be willing to do these extras, at least initially. But if they continue without compensation she may begin to feel taken advantage of. Being that she is “part of the family”, she now feels awkward bringing up her feelings. She wouldn’t want to appear ungrateful for being included in the family. She doesn’t want to risk spoiling such a close relationship; so she says nothing, and resentment builds. The resentment turns into “attitude”, and the relationship slowly breaks down. Communication is strained. Trust is compromised. The discomfort can result in a nanny quietly looking for a new position rather than communicating her feelings to the family.

To prevent this type of outcome, it’s important for families to remember that the nanny is NOT part of the family, even though you love and appreciate her as though she were. Although you may feel warm, familial feelings toward her, she is working for a wage, and she needs to be compensated for extra work or extra hours to make sure the relationship stays “clean”, and boundaries don’t become blurred. We used to have a joke when I worked in the investment business many years ago: “fast pay makes fast friends.” It’s a good thing to remember. If you ask a nanny for extra time and work outside her normal parameters, immediately tell her you’ll compensate her for that extra time and then don’t forget to add it to her pay! Even if your intentions are good, if you forget to pay her for the extra work she’ll feel taken advantage of. She needs to see you follow through. This tells her you respect her and her time. It cements trust and loyalty in the relationship. It’s definitely worth it in the long run, because when your children are older and don’t need a nanny anymore, you can feel at peace that you provided them with a solid emotional attachment to a long term caregiver while they were young, and this will contribute to their future emotional stability as adults.

To get more tips on hiring and retaining a nanny go to: www.safeandsoundnannies.com

Dr. Ann Wycoff is founder of Safe and Sound Nannies, a full service agency, and The Nanny Answer, an online, do-it-yourself nanny screening service.

6) The nanny is overworked.

Some families try to obtain high quality, education-minded childcare and heavy housecleaning from the same person. This is especially common in live-in positions, but it also occurs in live-out positions. I frequently need to explain to families that being a great nanny and being a great house cleaner require two different skill sets. Our nannies are responsible for the children and for “light, child-related housekeeping.” This means they’ll keep any child-related area of the house picked up, organized and clean including kitchen, family room, children’s room, etc. Our nannies also do laundry, run some errands and will cook for the children. (Some nannies are particularly skilled in the kitchen and like to prepare family meals also for higher pay.) A qualified nanny who is expected to be highly interactive with the children and also perform the heavy housecleaning (scrubbing bathrooms and performing heavy cleaning) will typically not stay long.

A good nanny is someone who is warm, loving, attentive and safety conscious and who will take very good care of the children including feeding, bathing, changing, playing, engaging with them and stimulating them through developmentally appropriate activities, setting appropriate limits, developing them socially and emotionally, providing love, patience and empathy, picking them up from school, taking them on outings to the library, etc. She may run some errands and do some grocery shopping, but it is unrealistic for her to do all of the shopping and cooking for the family while providing high quality care for your children. This is also not the same person who scrubs floors and toilets. (See the list of typical nanny responsibilities on our website.)

Great nannies frequently come to our agency seeking new jobs because they were overworked in their last position. In the end, the family loses out. Getting several months of hard labor at a low cost is short-sighted. The cost to a family of replacing a nanny every few months or every year is tremendous in terms of stress, broken emotional attachments for the children, the time involved in finding and training someone new, the disruption to your children’s sense of stability, etc.

It can be tempting to add more and more household responsibilities to a nanny’s schedule, but it isn’t wise. Children need the stability of a long term caregiver, and the nanny will be happier, more involved with your child, and more committed to staying long term if she knows she is valued as a caregiver professional and not a house cleaner.

To get more tips on hiring and retaining a nanny go to: www.safeandsoundnannies.com

Dr. Ann Wycoff is founder of Safe and Sound Nannies, a full service agency, and The Nanny Answer, an online, do-it-yourself nanny screening service.

5) The family underpays the nanny.

Nannies are typically not very good negotiators. The best nannies are in the childcare profession because they truly love children, not because they’re hoping to make a lot of money. However, they need a secure income so they can practice the profession they love. Nannies are frequently not highly assertive and many are uncomfortable discussing money. Many parents work in professions where tough negotiation skills are highly rewarded. It’s just part of their job, and they’re very comfortable negotiating the “best deal” in their business relationships. They expect to negotiate and don’t realize that in the process of hiring their nanny, they may “out-negotiate” her and hire her at a great rate, but they may be the ones who lose out in the end.

Under pressure, a nanny may agree to a lower pay rate than she feels is fair or can afford. She may realize that the offered rate is lower than the market rate in her area, but she agrees to take the position because she either needs to start a job right away, because she does not have the skills to assert herself, or because in her culture she is conditioned to please authority. The parent is focused on getting the cheapest rate and is proud to have gotten such a good deal. The parent may overlook the nanny’s subtle cues that would alert them that she is not happy with the offered pay rate and not truly committing to their job long term, even if she accepts their offer. Many families erroneously assume that if the nanny were unhappy with her pay she would ask for more. Some will. Many more will not, for reasons listed above.

In many instances where a highly qualified nanny is paid below the market rate, she may quietly seek out another position without saying a word. This behavior may be accepted in her culture, and she is not trying to deceive anyone. I always explain to a family that I would not place a nanny below the market rate, because the nanny would not stay, and we want to make solid nanny placements that last long term. This is the best situation for the family, and especially for the children.

When a good nanny feels she is underpaid, it is fairly easy for her to find another position, even in a poor economy. Good nannies are always in demand. She can call an agency; she can meet other families while she is at the park; she can send out feelers through her other nanny friends. A good nanny is hard to find, and families are always looking for good nannies. A very good nanny probably genuinely love the children for whom she cares, (a fact some families exploit) but she also has her own family and future to take care of. If she is underpaid and doesn’t feel comfortable bringing this up, her employer (and, more importantly, the children) come to love and depend on her. Suddenly, her mother in another country or city falls ill and she needs to go. This is not a scenario a family wants to experience. But it can happen when a nanny is overworked and underpaid. A family may never know why she really left, which is very sad for all involved, because it could have been avoided. The cost to the family of finding another nanny is enormous in terms of time, cost, and emotional energy. The emotional cost to the children is the most important of all.

To get more tips on hiring and retaining a nanny go to: www.safeandsoundnannies.com

Dr. Ann Wycoff is founder of Safe and Sound Nannies, a full service agency, and The Nanny Answer, an online, do-it-yourself nanny screening service.

4) The family micro-manages the nanny.

Although economics dictate that many families need to hire childcare, not every family is a good candidate for employing a nanny. Every parent initially has reservations about leaving their child in the care of someone else, and it is true that no-one, not even the best nanny, can be a perfect substitute for a parent. When you hire a nanny, you give up the “perfect” care your child would receive if you were home. Some parents accept this and some parents never do. Most families come to love their nanny (if she’s very good) and form a strong bond to her, but some parents are not able to trust the nanny, even if she’s very good.  It’s my own feeling that extremely particular parents should decide which parent will stay home, rather than go through several nannies per year who do not meet their expectations. It is important for parents to honestly examine their feelings about working vs. staying home with their child. If in their heart of hearts, a parent feels some resentment toward the nanny for being with their child, or they feel extremely guilty that they’re  not at home, these feelings could unintentionally manifest as unfair treatment toward the nanny that is not entirely conscious. In their mission to give their child the best care, paradoxically– strong, unexamined guilt feelings could be harmful to their child’s development in the form of conflict between them and the nanny, or frequent changes in nannies which disrupt their child’s emotional attachment to a caregiver.

A good nanny will follow your guidelines and adhere to your rules regarding the care of your child and your home. Some nannies are more obsessive than others, and when I am working with a very particular  family, I usually send them nannies who are higher on the obsessive scale. (As a licensed psychologist and owner of the company, we run a statistically validated personality screen on all candidates).  These nannies have great attention to detail, which works well for these families. The trade-off is that more obsessive nannies will also have a bit more anxiety and may not tolerate criticism well.  A nanny who is more able to “roll” with criticism may have a more easy-going personality but may not possess the extreme attention to detail that these families require.

A very experienced nanny with beautiful, carefully-checked references from several families and an excellent personality screen result  will rarely need to be micro-managed. This type of nanny is accustomed to gradually earning a high level of trust from her former employers. This type of nanny will be very uncomfortable in a situation where she feels she has to  “prove herself” every day. I encountered many first-time parents who never allowed themselves to trust their nanny, even though they admitted she was doing a very good job.  It simply may have been impossible for them to let down their guard. This type of parent would probably be happiest finding a way to stay home with their child, at least until their child begins preschool.

To get more tips on hiring and retaining a nanny go to: www.safeandsoundnannies.com

Dr. Ann Wycoff is founder of Safe and Sound Nannies, a full service agency, and The Nanny Answer, an online, do-it-yourself nanny screening service.